After I posted my blog last night, I thought I would sit up and inspire myself by reading through Liana's 365 blog. I was feeling bloated, fat, ugly, worthless and quite simply like a nobody. All day when I would catch my reflection, I would think the most horrible thoughts about myself. Stupid I know...but they were there, and I was thinking them. I needed some inspiration, and after coming across day 110, I absolutely found it!
Here is what Liana wrote on day 110:
"I'm not ok with how I am being today. I am being selfish and self absorbed, I am in my own tiny little world...not present to have much I have to be thankful for, and then making myself wrong for not being grateful when I know I really should, I am being such a jerk.
I have this voice saying "I am fat and ugly and my legs are so gross and so wobbly and I hate them and they will never bee good enough, and I will never be skinny enough or pretty enough, or I will never have the body I want because I really can't have the body I want, that would be crazy, and no matter how hard I work out and how healthy I eat, because lets face It I eat immaculate, how can I even look like this when I eat so immaculate? Its so frustrating and annoying and I am so jealous of fit and skinny people because I just dont understand how they do it and why I cant have it, like I know my body is ok but its just not good enough or toned enough or hott enough. I had a great hott body once but now I can never have it again because Im just too old, im 22 and its too late i ruined my body now and i even eat raw foods and noting happens i dont tone up i still hold onto the fat around my butt and my legs and my stomach and its just such waste of time like i have been working out flat out for like 6 weeks and i reckon i look worse than before, i must have been doing something wrong, this is so crap. I'ts so unfair. like i believe i create everything in my life but i just cant see how i create this because i really really dont like the body im in i hate it. Im uncomfortable. I feel like everything I eat makes me fat and bloated and bla bla bla"...I COULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT I WAS READING!!! HOW COULD SOMEONE SO BEAUTIFUL HONESTLY EVER HAVE THESE FEELINGS TOWARDS HERSELF?
That's when I had my, as Oprah likes to call it, 'Aha moment'.
So many times I have been down on myself and in a really soppy, angry, bad mood all day because I've felt like I was hideously ugly, and fat, and had too many pimples, and wasn't pretty enough etc, only to get comment from the people around me telling me that I'm crazy and seeing things. People have been telling me for so long that I am beautiful and talented, and I shrug it off taking them as pitty comments.
It wasn't until my boyfriend sat me down and put it to me straight, that I started to get it.
He asked me if when I went grocery shopping today, do I remember anyone specific?
I didn't. He asked if anyone impacted my day because of how they presented themselves? Again, no they didn't. He asked if I could remember what any of the people I passed even looked like? Yet again, I couldn't. He asked if I thought that I impacted anyones day because of how fat or skinny I was, how much makeup I put on, how neat my hair looked or how nice my clothes were? I thought about it for a bit, and honestly, my answer was no. He explained "No one cares if you're having an 'ugly' day, or a bad hair day, or feeling a bit bloated! They don't even notice! Why? Because they're all too busy thinking about how they look and feel, or how they have to get home to hang out the washing, or what they're going to say in their job interview, or what they forgot to put on their grocery list! Everyone is too pre occupied with their own lives to notice that you have a new pimple on your chin! The only person who cares about that is YOU! If you loved yourself as much as I love you, you would have so much more time to spare that wasn't spent on worrying about shallow crap like that, and all worry does is cause disease. Open your eyes. The only impact you can make on someone else's day/life is through love and kindness. Work on your making your spirit beautiful, that's when people will notice you." (Yes, I know I have struck gold with him...he has such a kind heart, generous spirit and is such a beautiful human being)
So after all of that, I went to sleep with the intention to work on waking up and working on making my spirit beautiful, nourishing and exercising my body and hopefully making a positive impact on someone elses's day.
I was such a great day, an as opposed to yesterday, it was so effortless to exercise and to eat Earth Foods. Better still, I ate 100% raw vegan foods today! Woohoo! I feel so ALIVE! I got a chance to experiment with some new recipes.
I made some pesto using basil from the herb garden, and I made the yummiest chocolate balls I have made to date!!! (Even my boyfriend liked them! And he doesn't even like chocolate!)
Here is what delicious, raw, vegan foods nourished my beautiful body today:
BREAKFAST: Some Almonds and An Apple
LUNCH: Basil Pesto (Basil, mixed nuts, olive oil and Himalayan salt) with carrot sticks :) SCRUMMY!
SNACK: No snack
DINNER: Chickpea Maehem...AGAIN! It is so delicious!!!
DESSERT: Chocolate Balls! (Cacao powder, Agarve Syrup, Mixed Nuts, Organic Peanut Butter, Oats, Water and Olive Oil)
EXERCISE: Firstly I danced with my ipod, Then I used my muscles to lift 3kg weights (they're vintage weights from the 80's!!! So cool!) Then I went for a run/walk, and finished with some lunges, squats, dips against the bath ad push ups :)
I am very motivated after today. I also started to write a new song that came to me while I was running. I would LOVE to reach people and help Liana to get word out about this amazing way to live! I believe that music is a universal language, and that I was given a talent with music for a reason...I'm realising that this may be the very reason :)
I would like to dedicate this blog to my amazing boyfriend Will :) He is so supportive of anything that makes me happy, and I feel so blessed to have such an incredible human being to share my life with at such a young age. I'm learning alot and I love you :)
Love Love Love